


Two sides of the same coin {and other muddled phrases you will continue to repeat.}

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: ???? Maybe?, Abusive Relationships, All around messed up relationships, Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Codependency, Corruption, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, How Do I Tag, Mastermind Naegi Makoto, Memory Loss, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Teasing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, i only have a vague idea where this is going, junko is fucked up big time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-14 20:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9201218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: He saw those crystal blue eyes—  red painted on that curved smile promising him everything he ever wanted.And– he fell.[If only it was that simple.]In the end hope and despair are harder to tell apart than he expected. Maybe he was just fooling himself.





	1. It's not a bang (it's a slow descent.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You say you wanted to help [But, in truth, you just didn't want to be a living ghost.]

Average. You were but a average high school student, not really remarkable in anyway, you thought. You had average luck, average grades, and a average personality. Even to your own parents you didn't stand out, your younger sister garnering more of the attention. And yet you were standing in front of the most prestigious school in the country from pure chance.

You didn't understand how you won the lottery, but you weren't complaining.

Far from it. (If only back then you knew)

 

They laughed, a hahaha little ditty on your ears, and you laugh with them. After all, you were just a Normal average guy. Who wouldn't laugh when they heard your story?

Soon that ridiculous kind of novelty your so called talent had lost its effect and you faded into the background.

_"Makoto naegi? Who..? Oh! You mean that one who got in by **chance!"**_

You didn't fit in with anyone, reserve course students glared at you, jealousy that they couldn't mingle with the ultimates, and anger that you didn't have to pay the tab they had to. How 'lucky'.

To the ultimates you were invisible, just that guy who was there for no reason, a drifted, and you craved the feeling of being needed.

You didn't want to disappear.

But you already had.

 

You were such a fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue where I'm going with this but here is the first chapter. Lol see you in a hundred years whenever my depressed ass actually decides to write again haha


	2. Red (fate and lips are sealed alike.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you knew she was up to something, you just couldn't find it in you to care. (Maybe, in honesty, that excited you.)

Cherry lips smiled down on you, sweet and red.  
She asked if you wanted to be noticed– to not be invisible.  
You nodded.  
Her smile grew.

Her sister—mukuro—looked at you emotionlessly, though you felt there was a nervous buzz underneath her facade.

"Will you let me help you then?"  
it was a purr, sweetness lacing the words as her red, red nails gently ran down your cheek, the back of her hands soft and smooth against you.  
A cheshire grin appeared on the angelic face you now knew was "junko" as you nodded yes, hypothesised by her gaze.  
"Then listen closely."

You saw a brief look of panic on mukuros face.

 

 

(You wonder what junko will gain from this, there was a glint in her eyes you didn't quite trust, but you push that thought away.

You wish you hadn't.)

 

 

 

This was interesting— _He_ was interesting. You came on a whim here, almost not going at all, not expecting anything, but got a _surprise_ — something that rarely happens to you. He was so _hopeful_ it was _retched_ , so _desperate_ it was _pathetic_. The despair that could only come from a hopeless hope was edged just below the surface on his face. Truly, humans were all just like this, in the beginning of being broken. _Invisible, except for the trail of blood flowing from their wounds._ No one cared to see how much in pain he was, only complaining about the mess his blood made, but that's where you were different. The mass of clingy, clinically hopeful color that made up makoto naegi intrigued you. He was _fascinating_. No humans noticed, but you were not a mere human, were you? You were junko encosima, a goddess walking.

What people didn't realize is that the gods are cruel, and you were no different.

And how could you not spread your twisted, gnarled, beautiful despair to this boy? It was just so _interesting_ , to **break** people and shape them in your image, and you were just so _bored_ , so why should you not do it?

Even without you this world is cruel, you're just bringing that cruelty to the surface, informing the people who did not know how despairing this world is, shattering their naive hopeful illusions. It was so much _**fun**_ , how could you not?

  
You were a goddess walking, and these dull humans were just your play things.

Even the people you love were.

You smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look a unplanned pov switch in the middle fngddj im sorry this took so long I am a depressed ADHD writer with to many series to keep up with rjgddbjdbd why am I like this


	3. I "love" you (I'm chained to you, and you to me.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You want her love— more than that you want her attention. {you just want to leech off of her; how utterly selfish.}

  
You begin to do silly things—trip and fall, sit in the wrong seat, raise your hand when you don't know the answer—to get attention. It's small things at first, but soon it builds up, until everyone knows your name; clumsy makoto, stupid makoto, I thought he was lucky makoto, why is he even here makoto—and by doing what junko said, you're not invisible.

  
You're not sure if you are glad or not.

 

 

 

“I love you makoto." It's so sincere that it can't be a lie. And I'm a way that's worse. Her teeth dig into your lips, the pain proving that this is real. Lately nothing except her feels real, it all feels like a static tv show, one you can't quite process. She loves you, and you love her. It's a fucked up, selfish love, the kind that takes and takes until neither of you have anything; the kind that burns. And you hate it, yet can't get enough of it. It's the kind of love that destroys every from the inside out. "You know that, right?" You feel junkos tears on your face and don't even question there realness. She's smiling, still, that damn smile that claims she likes despair, when you know better. She _trained_ herself to love it, lied to herself, whereas her sister shut out her emotions. Both were trying to cope with constant pain, the kind no one noticed.

They were just like you.

And you hated it.

(You hate everything sometimes.)

 

  
How helplessly broken you three were. Junko laughs and laughs breaking you; loving you. This isn't help, she's damning you.

  
You think you need help.

 _Real_ help.

 

(Later, when everything is said and done, you will wonder if she was just using you, if she ever even loved you at all.

You don't know what answer is worse.

How hopeless of you.)

 

You try to go to hiro first. He's ridiculous at times, sure, but maybe that's why you go to him. He wouldn't turn you away right? You knew a lot of people think your talent is bullshit—and it is, really, maybe you don't deserve to even be here—but a lot of people said that to him too. maybe he'd understand?

He didn't.

  
Instead he laughed it off, saying something how you were making a big deal of nothing. How the teasing would blow over and you'd be left in the background again.

  
He really didn't understand anything.

  
“You're worthless, you know?”

She's draging you down from heaven and straight into hell, but to be honest you can't even tell the difference.

So far they feel like the same place after all.

“ _Worthless_. From the first time you took a breath until now, you've been utterly _useless_. All you're life you have been worthless, isn't that right? Even your baby sister got more praise and attention than you, right? Did you tell yourself that your parents were just _busy?_  Stop lying to yourself; you are a disappointment to them. A _disgrace_. The only thing you're good at is making a mess of things. But that's ok, because _I'm_ worth a lot. Those other ultimates, they have so much talent and worth, and yet they still deny you a chance to find meaning. _I'll_ give you worth. A mission.”

She tried pulled you down, sweet words lacing your mind and you hated it.

“ _I'll_ love you, _I_ think you're special.”

You hated her. Yet..

When she pulls you into a kiss you don't resist.

  
You can't help but notice junkos laugh is watery and breathless.

 

 

  
Sayaka knew you from middle school—maybe she didn't remember though, you were unremarkable. Whenever you tried to talk to her you're sure her smile would get just a touch more strained. Or maybe you were imagining it? Were you also imagining how she avoided you? But– no, obviously she wouldn't want her reputation ruined by talking to you.

You should have known.

  
As junko leaves you wonder if she's right, you wonder if only she would care for someone like you. Talent doesn't matter to her, she still looks at this remarkeless you.

You realize there's indents in your face, blood ossing out, and a morbidly curious part of you wonder if she would use it like lipstick, smeared red shining.

The thought should disturb you, but you can't find it in you to care.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get these kids therapy


	4. you're addicted to her (you're addicted to breaking yourself into pieces.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is despair, and you live to self destruct. [if you hate something, you should get rid of it, after all, and you've always been what you loathed the most.]

You kept hoping _hoping **hoping**_ — saying how you'd never fall into despair.

What a joke.

(Maybe the truth is you've always been in despair, maybe that's the whole reason you tried so hard to hope.

Maybe when that fragile hope kept getting crushed, over and over again, is when you started to succumb to her despair.)

 

And you look at your classmates— you love them, yet a part of you hates them, resentment building up till you choke on it, choke it _down_ , like **poison**.

You're whole life is being corrupted by her poison.

  
You look at kirigiri— eyes tired, unbelievably heavy— and trace her porcelain skin with your eyes. She's beautiful, no smiles like junko or sayaka, only silence. You want to reach out, you want to be saved, yet somehow you're too tired to call out anymore. It doesn't matter if people who aren't there love you, anymore, and all of a sudden the comforting silence almost feels like a betrayal.

So you stay quiet.

(A present pain is worth more than a absent love, so you stay with junko, and give in.)

  
And you do what she says, you get intel on people, working your way into their life's, making them lower their guards, making them _rely_ on you, all the while they still kept calling you _scum_ , still blamed you at the slightest of things, but that's ok, it's ok, because you _forgive_ , see? You're smiling.

You’re _fine_. You're _happy_.

~~You're not _fine,_ and you're _**damn** **well** _ not _happy_.~~

[trash trash trash trash, that's what he says, glasses pushed up on his **stupid** , **_pretentious_** nose, hair framing his face that would look good if not for the perpetual scowl.

You hate that he makes your heart flutter. You resist the urge to glare as he acts better then you.

Maybe he is better than you.

There's more indents on your face in the morning, thanks to a painted on smile and blood red nails. People look at you weird, but you wear her scars like a badge, unlike all your other ones.

Because it is a badge, a honor to be touched by a goddess.]

 

“I can't stand seeing this.”

It was sudden, tears spilling from her emotionless eyes

“Mukuro?”

“You're destroying yourself, makoto.”

She speaks, as if she's not doing the very same thing, as if junko herself wasn't a way to self destruct, wasn't _destruction_ , and _despair_ itself.

“That's the point.”

The smile you give is the first genuine one in weeks.

(You hate yourself, so you destroy yourself.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for why this took so long


End file.
